The Obligatory 100 Things

Ahhh, I have given in to peer pressure... everyone ELSE had a 100 things, and I didn't and felt all left out. Besides, I've been buried in work and don't have a single good idea for writing about, so I figured I would just do this instead. INSTANT CONTENT and SUBMISSION TO COMMUNITY STANDARDS- all at once!!

So anyway, I'm strange. I have realized this after compiling this list.

1. I love cheese. I have one thigh made of cheddar, one made of swiss, and an ass made of parmesan.

2. I am allergic to seafood, mostly shrimp. I get congested just from the smell of it sometimes. I wasn't allergic to it until a few years ago when I ate it and almost stopped breathing.

3. I hate celery, pineapple and raspberries. Ick, ick and ick.

4. Steak MUST be rare. Like �bring it in, shave its horns off, wipe its ass and put it on the plate� rare.

5. I like salty snacks better than sweet snacks. I used to eat salt out of the little packets when I was little. I am going for the whole Egyptian preservation thing proactively.

6. I wear a size 8. Shoes and clothes. Except lately, the clothes are getting smaller and the feet seem to be getting bigger, so I may have to update this one.

7. I wear jeans almost every day. Dressed up means that they are clean.

8. I do not wear skirts. I don�t like a draft. I only own one.

9. I lose or break all of my watches.

10. I am perpetually late. I run on my own internal clock, and everyone that knows me is aware of this.

11. I cannot change jobs because my hours are flexible, and the idea of 9 to 5 is death to me.

12. I am ambivalent about my career. I am good at it, and it has a paycheck. This keeps me from getting upset about the stupid stuff.

13. I am messy. Very.

14. I have 3 tattoos: a seahorse on my back (from a poem Dutch Oven wrote to me once), a horse on my shoulder (designed to be the horse I have had for 27 years now) and a scarab beetle on my leg (for my own superstitions).

15. I want one more tattoo: the firefly from Eric Carle�s The Very Lonely Firefly. It was waiting in the mailbox when we brought Lil Cowgirl home from the hospital.

16. I have the attention span of a gnat. With ADD.

17. My favorite color is plum-hued purple or navy blue. However, I don't think bruises are attractive.

18. My least favorite color is orangey-red or pink.

19. I have an anemia that means I have to eat red meat. I would be vegetarian if I could.

20. I do not wear animals I don�t eat, in a very Native-American way of being.

21. I am Russian by heritage. That makes me morbid and prone to vodka drinking. Genetically, so it's not my fault.

22. My great great whatever grandfather was an admiral in the Russian Navy during the Russo-Japanese war. They wrote folk songs about how he got his ass kicked by the Japanese.

23. I don�t wash dishes. My mother used to make me wash ALL of the dishes, and I asked for a dishwasher when I was 9 for my birthday.

24. My favorite gem is opal. The only diamonds I have were gifts.

25. I prefer silver or white gold. The only gold I wear is my wedding set.

26. I have greenish-gray eyes. I love my eye color.

27. I am almost legally blind in both eyes. My eyes are bad enough that laser surgery isn�t an option.

28. I was a Catholic school cheerleader.

29. We used to get drunk before cheering at the football games in high school.

30. I have two blown knees from falling during cheerleading. I wasn�t drunk when it happened.

31. My favorite movie ever is Tootsie.

32. My favorite TV show ever is Sex and the City.

33. I am a Gemini.

34. I have been coloring my hair since high school. I don�t know what my natural color is anymore. It�s how I relieve boredom.

35. I am blessed with naturally strong, thick hair.

36. I scored 10 points from perfect on the verbal portion of the SAT.

37. I did not score 10 points from perfect on the math portion of the SAT.

38. I was a National Merit Scholar.

39. National Merit Scholar enabled me to go to college. That whole money thing...

40. I graduated Florida State in 1994. I sat behind Derrick Brooks (Tampa Bay Bucs) at the ceremony, and I couldn�t see the stage through him. For three hours.

41. I hate baseball. It bores me to damn tears.

42. I live for football.

43. I rode a mechanical bull once when I was 8 on a bet my father made with some guy in a bar. My dad won $300 off of me.

44. The second finger on my left hand is crooked from where I slammed it in a car door when I was little but was too afraid to tell anyone I was outside when I wasn�t supposed to be.

45. My first memory is of talking my uncle into giving me a bottle of prune juice, having a BIG accident, and having to be hosed off in the yard.

46. I met my husband at a creative writing camp. He was my camp best friend�s boyfriend.

47. I am usually fair to the point of offending people. Most people see it as "bitch" instead of "fair." That's cool with me.

48. I wish I was better at expressing sympathy. I feel it, but I'm never good at saying it.

49. I think I suffer from Asperger�s Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. Husband agrees. I am afraid to find out for sure. This is the first time I have mentioned it outside of close friends. Ever.

50. One reason I do not have more children because Asperger�s is hereditary.

51. I hate to call strangers (businesses, restaurants, etc.) on the phone. I make the husband do it.

52. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, now I�m don�t. Surprisingly, life�s not really any different.

53. I never planned on getting married or having kids when I was younger. My friends were floored when I was the first to do both.

54. I live off of a combination of caffeine and nicotine. Diet Mountain Dew Code Red and Marlboro Ultra Lights. Healthy, aren't I?

55. I am obsessive about skin. I LOVE it when someone peels after a sunburn and they let me peel it for them. Gross, I know.

56. I have a recurring neck spasm that keeps me from moving my head at least two weeks out of the year. It's been good for a while.

57. I had my tonsils out three years ago. It completely sucked. It was NOTHING like the whole "you'll get ice cream" image I had.

58. I was once a finalist for MTV�s Real World. I pulled out of the running on my own because I did not like the city they were going to send us to.

59. I miss Beavis and Butthead. And Sam Kinison.

60. I want my long hair back.

61. My first car was a �86 cutlass supreme. I was smart enough to date a guy with a fully restored red mustang, circa mid-1960s so I didn�t have to drive mine anywhere I didn�t want to except school. I don�t even remember the guy�s name, but I remember the car.

62. I have a hard time falling asleep. Without the help of TV or a book, it�s almost impossible.

63. I have a hard time waking up. Without the help of a cigarette and some caffeine, it�s almost impossible.

64. My favorite city was, and will be again, New Orleans. There are bars and voodoo shops waiting on me, and as soon as they�re back, I�ll be back.

65. My favorite author is Tom Robbins. Big surprise, right?

66. I read A LOT. Fiction and non-fiction. Lots of political stuff lately- I try really hard not to argue from an uninformed position.

67. I hate chick movies, except for Four Weddings and a Funeral and Love Actually. I think their very Englishness saves them from stupid American cotton candyism.

68. I love roller coasters, but I never get to ride them because they make Dutch Oven violently ill.

69. I hate getting water up my nose. HATE IT.

70. I am not a good swimmer.

71. My favorite animal is a cougar. I want a pet one, but I don�t think the horses would like it very much.

72. The only celebrity anyone ever said I looked like was Teresa Russell. Black Widow. Black Widows are cool.

73.  I sit on my left foot when working, which usually results in hobbling for a few minutes when I get up.

74. I have never voted for a Republican. I have voted a combination of third-party and Democrat. I just can�t bring myself to vote Pro-Life, no matter what the rest of their platform is. That one�s non-negotiable.

75. The most famous person I ever met was Cher. I didn�t recognize her without her wigs, but she was completely fabulous anyway.

76. The second most famous person I met was Jane Fonda. One second thought, maybe I need to flip-flop those. She was also completely charming and fabulous and REAL. I love her now.

77. I was second in a beauty pageant when I was 6, but I won the spelling bee.

78. I am Pro-Choice. Militantly so. I am planning on taking Lil Cowgirl to a march later so she can see what it�s about- it�s her future too.

79. I do not shelter my daughter much. I figure this is he world she has to live in, so she better go ahead and get used to it.

80. I was attracted to my husband when I met him because he had soccer legs. He still has them. YUM.

81. I wear heels almost every day. I am only 5�6�, but I want to be 5�9� or 5�10�.

82. I love and appreciate anyone who says things other people are afraid to say.

83. I used to do drugs. Lots of them. I have done enough acid to make a humpback whale sing Purple Haze.

84. I played Powder Puff football in high school. I played 2nd string quarterback and 1st string cornerback.

85. I lettered in soccer from helping the team just to meet guys with nice legs.

86. I can crochet, but not very well. I am self-taught, and I lose count a lot.

87. I can bead also, but I get frustrated with how slow it is.

88. I make chocolate chip cookies at Christmas that my husband waits for all year.

89. I can tell when it�s going to rain because my knees hurt.

90. I have broken all of my fingers at one time or another except my left thumb. Not all on horses either- two were doing a cheer called the funky chicken in high school- I hit my foot the wrong way when I touched it.

91. I saw Michael Jordan play 3 times.

92. I finish every new Harry Potter book within 24 hours of release.

93. I was a Womens Studies major in college with a minor in African-American studies. In reality, I studied the art and film of 20th century women and minorities. My degree did not help me get a job.

94. I have more male friends than female friends. They like dirty jokes better.

95. My favorite word is �fuck.�

96. I am a boot whore. I love them. I need more.

97. I hate having long fingernails because I can�t type properly with them.

98. My husband is honestly my best friend. I can tell him anything, and he still loves me. He can tell me anything and get honesty, even when he doesn't want it. I pick on him, but I can't imagine life without him.

99. I love my daughter more than life itself. The coolest part is that I like who she is too. She�s a very cool person, even at age 7. I trust her judgment.

100. I trust myself. I am trying to love myself more, but I have the trust thing under control.

Comments

[Adrianna]

You are the sister I never had!! You have also inspired me to do a 100 things about me list. Yay!

[Paige]

I'm glad someone else is self diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I've thought that for years. It fits, just not as severe. Can you really do some sort of test to know for sure though?

[barnmouse]

Seriously, were we separated at birth? I have perfect vision and no children, but other than that, it's freaky how much alike we are. From the weird/cool eye color to the fact that I'm actually sitting on my left foot right now. You are living my dream with the horses. I used to train them and then ended up breaking my back (fine now though, no worries). And I'm glad to know I'm not the only Southern non-redneck out there! I thought I was the only one! (at least here in NC! LOL)

[Judge Dredd]

Good wives don't smoke. Good moms don't smoke. The fuck's the matter with you?