All About Bonanza Jellybean- Updated As I Think of Things

Well, we're up and running... readers are actually coming. Go figure.

I'm not too good at talking about details about myself, so...
FEEL FREE TO EMAIL AND ASK QUESTIONS. Anything is welcome, and very little embarasses me. I will do my best to answer as many as I can as truthfully as I can. Politics, religion, movies, books, etc.- anything goes. Answers will either get posted here or I'll start a FAQ when I get enough.
If your questions have the distinct air of asshole about them, don't expect to get them answered unless I'm making fun of you.

Who/What Is a Bonanza Jellybean?
Bonanza Jellybean is a character in the Tom Robbins novel Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. She is the leader of the cowgirls, and the "cutest cowgirl in the world." I however, am not that cute, but one can wish, right?
I have horses and ride and even dress up like a cowgirl for horse shows, etc., and I do tend to rebel against the standards for women in our society, or wish I did, so it seemed appropriate.
Anyway, if you know anything about Robbins, who I think is fabulous, you know I can't possibly explain him or his characters in any concise way. If you want to know more, here's an idea : READ THE BOOK. IT WON'T KILL YOU.

ALL ABOUT ME
Well, too hard to do. The best thing I can tell you to do is read through and get to know me. I have A LOT of history, more than most folks, and I will probably go through some of it from time to time. Basically, I'm one large composite of peculiarities and experiences who, when tested, tends to get bitchy. A few short items though:

Yes, I am a bitch. In my experience, women get called bitches when they refuse to be doormats. It's a title I am honored to have. HOWEVER, most of my friends who know me say I'm not as bad as I think I am, and I do make every effort to be good to people.

I'm really not that bitchy. I'm sarcastic, for sure, but the bitchiness can also be construed as self-protection.

Yes, this site is all about me. I'm narcissistic and arrogant on these pages, but keep in mind that as a wife and mother with a full-time job, very little of what I do is done just for me. This site is just for me, an exercise in sanity. Otherwise, I'd be sitting over there on the couch watching Finding Nemo for the gazillionth time. And on that point, how does Dory remember that she suffers from short-term memory loss if she has short-term memory loss? Just wondering.

I am southern, but I try not to be a redneck. I do not watch Nascar, have any rebel flags in my possession or listen to Toby Keith. I do think Gretchen Wilson needs to be hung from a Confederate flagpole by her hair extensions. I do eat grits, okra and liver pudding. I do not handle rattlesnakes in church on Sunday, nor have I ever "gotten the spirit." I do not think of Myrtle Beach as the only place to vacation. I do not drive an American car, but my husband has a big American truck. I do not hunt or fish. I do eat fried chicken. If you know the south you understand what I'm saying- if you don't but think you do, KEEP YOUR STEREOTYPES TO YOURSELF. WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT, I PROMISE.

I am female, but I think I'm missing some estrogen somewhere. I don't believe in night creams or tons of beauty products. I do believe in a great-fitting pair of jeans, every single day (not the same pair, and I do wash them occasionally). I do try to watch my weight, but I don't do very well. I don't wear makeup every day. I do like boots- nice expensive ones, but I don't have a lot of shoes (for a girl). My daughter asks me sometimes if I have any skirts. I do like nicer things- Coach bags, Prada glasses (I'm blind as a bat and have the prescription to prove it), but I'm sure not the girliest thing around.

I love all things Florida State Seminoles (class of '94). I love college football, pro football, any football, and I can spend hours posting on football websites. I yell at the TV. I demand silence during games. Understand that in my world Seminoles do not commit pass interference, play dirty or get involved in off-field altercations unless they were set up. FSU uniforms (garnet tops, gold pants) are better than anything Versace EVER thought of. Florida Gators are the source of all evil in the universe and must be punished daily.

I love animals, a lot better than I like most people. I have 7 horses, 7 dogs, about 5 cats and a fish. We live on a farm. I want a pet cougar too, but I think that it might not get along with the horses.

I have led a wild, wild life in my few years, but I am settled now and very happy with it. I have been "on the road" with rock stars. I have tried almost every substance I shouldn't have. I test drove many models before I bought one for marriage. I have waited at a stop sign for it to change after heading home from the night out with friends (this was in college, dear husband- you weren't with me). I don't do any of this anymore, but I don't regret any of it. I know what I'm missing.

I unapologetically love cheesy 80s hair metal. I want to grow up to be Lita Ford (sans Ozzy).

I Love Harry Potter, and I am an adult. I have my new book already reserved, and I will be there at midnight to get it. I will read it within 24 hours. I pouted (badly) when Sirius died. The online test told me I would be in Ravenclaw. JK Rowling's website is GREAT. All of you who think Harry is the work of the devil, you need a life. Seriously. All of you who think it's childish, you need to lighten up. Seriously. An imagination isn't a dangerous thing.

My list of 5 Celebrities, better known as "The List": (If you don't know what this is, it was on an episode of Friends once. You make a list of the 5 famous people you would have sex with if given a chance with your partner's permission, and they make the same list.) With the exception of Chris Noth, all of the order changes, depending on the day.
1) Chris Noth (Sex and the City, Law and Order)
2) Hugh Jackman (on sheer prettiness alone)
3) Alonzo Mourning (NBA Player- Miama Heat)
4) Gary Oldman (A truly intelligent man is a beautiful man)
5) John Taylor (I still loves me some Duran Duran, and that man is still FINE)
Honorable Mentions: Henry Rollins (see Gary Oldman), LL Cool J, Sean Connery (as Miranda said on Sex and the City, "yesterday, today and tomorrow"), Paul Newman, Alec Baldwin, Ed Harris
Don't ask me to explain them further, because I won't. I have strange tastes, and I know it.

My day job is being a graphic artist. I am not a wear-black-every-day kind of graphic artist. I work for a company whose purpose is so arcane you wouldn't believe me if I told you. I make ridiculous catalogs to sell ridiculous things to ridiculous people. I do not think about work when I am not at it- my life is not my career, and my sense of self has nothing at all to do with my career. The paycheck's good, and I have flexible hours, that's enough. I am basically a design whore- performing for money, and occasionally I do it well, but for the most part, I just know how get the job over without breaking a sweat.

I am a Mac girl. I will NEVER use a PC unless I have no other choice. I'm a designer, and if you know designers, we use Macs. So there.

My family is freaking nuts, every day, all the time. By this I mean the people I am related to who I do not allow to live with me. They will most likely be providing blog content for a LONG LONG TIME. The complete cast list is just too much- they'll pop up from time to time.

My family, husband and daughter, are the reasons I keep breathing every day. They have taught me what love is and what it can be. My love for them is the essence of me, and all of the stuff listed above isn't worth a shit when compared with them.

So, now you know a little. You know as much as I do. I'll just keep adding to this as I can, and we'll both learn as we go.

PS- I'm a shitty typist, and I hate to proofread. You know what I'm trying to say, so don't bitch at me about it. Ever.

Comments

[bob]

Howdy Bonaza Jellybean. I thought I would pause long enough to send you some good vibes. i was wandering the internet under the heading of "funny soccer moms" when you showed up. I too am a fan of Tom Robins and especially Bonanza Jellybean. I flashed back when you mentioned getting dressed up in cowgirl fasion. I have always favored the old time cowgirl wear that I have imagined bonanza jellybean to wear. Can't get my wife to consider it. I am a native of Tucson and been around long enough to remember some great cowgirls. I hope that your moniker will bring you good people as it should.
Happy Trails
Bob

[deity]

hi there. i think ur site's really cool. i too, once fell in love with john taylor. hahah!!!

see ya around:)

[shpprgrl]

John Taylor! I haven't thought about him in awhile. I would have fought you for him once upon a time. And Mr. Big! OMG! He is sweet too. Funny stuff.

[John-Michael]

I salute and celebrate a real live human person who is willing and knows how to communicate herself to her world. A profound "Thank you!"

[Amanda]

I fell right intothe rhythm of your writing. What an unexpected Saturday morning treat.I have two youngsgirls and on those mornings when I am wokenso early that i have the coffee shakes before 7, a site I can lose myself in is sheer heaven. Hope you get your cougar and share the stories with us!

[Amanda]

Did I mention the keyboard on my Mac fucking sucks? We had to buy it a cover (condom) to prevent future sippy cup spills. The thing torments me with a defective space bar.

[Jan]

I was looking for a fabric called "jellybean" and found your blog. Holy Cow! It was like reading my own thoughts, except Soccer Chick would be replaced with Lego Boy. A LOT of parallels - love of animals (for me dogs), the Harry Potter obsession, crazy family, the parent of an only child who's in 3rd grade and an incredible husband! I just forwarded your post from 10/31 to a few people, all of whom will completely relate! Thanks for hitting the mark for the rest of us...we've all had that scene playout. Being reflective of your parenting style is key to being a better parent..not waaaaay over-analytical but certainly realizing you're not infallible and which battles are worth the trouble in the end.

[Judge Dredd]

Good wives don't smoke. Good moms don't smoke. The fuck's the matter with you?

[t~]

Haha! was catching up with your posts, reading the comments on this page and what-not and came to the last one made by judge dredd. lmao! too funny! what a fucktard!

i see you have been taking breaks, but you have always been the blogger i aspire to be. i love your stuff!

[Judge Dredd]

Bite me, t~.